Me, MYSeLF & i...

It's almost 5pm... boss is still not in.

Utter bliss that I am in this office... for a few blissful reasons :-

1) It's really... and I mean REALLY close to my home. I could just go home IF I choose to do so at lunch time.

2) The boss is a sweetie pie. They don't have stress in this office. Honest.

3) I am at the present moment NOT bogged down with work as much. Which is good... it gives me a sense of getting use to working life once more.

On other stories... I'm starting to get use to the ways of the office. I may never want to leave. Haha...

I'm getting older... just one more Saturday (not including the actual day)!


26. Here I come.

Memalam baru boleh online

It's not a normal thing for me not to be online... but I've no longer able to manage all the websites that I joined... what more blogging. I've neglected mostly everything but it's not because I don't have the time; I'm caught up with just ONE application; which for the life of me I don't understand why is so appealing to me; Fighters' Club on Facebook.

I know.. I know.. it's JUST an application. But I find it amusing to "jump" and read all the comments on people who "jumps". It's also interesting how powerful certain groups are... to which I'm also a member of one geng.

It's not funny when it feels like an obligation sometimes. But, it's still something to kill my time.

Tapikan... now, I can only online at night. Siang-siang I'm off to the office. Yes... I've started again. Not much work to do yet... just going through files and PRAY that the firm gets a new SPA file so that I can start and be assisted on.

It's a no brainer that now I'm in the office chit-chatting with people. Instead of chatting on YM or MSN... or even sms-ing people... I'm actually interacting. Better than nothing kan?

Seriously I shouldn't sound so negative, but like my friend said - "Sarah, when can you accept that you're to enjoy all this while it last? You're a workaholic"

Hehe.. That I am, gurl. That I am.

Hence... now the late night blogging. Gosh, I'll be so tired at work tomorrow. Ahh.. nevermind.

2008 / 1429H

Today marks a new year in the Hijrah Calender. It's a vast difference from the New Year 2008. It's a New Year where there was a Hijrah for Muslims 1429 years ago. It was a new beginning for all the Muslims in the world at that point of time.

It's a new beginning.

...and now 1429 years later, it's still a new beginning for some.

Wake up from your slumber and smell the roses. Nothing sticks forever. Everything changes. Don't get too comfortable for things will change.

A new beginning for a lot.

event : chenta hati's bday

Last 22nd December 07... Chenta hatiku turn 28. Old and wise.. but this year he turned 28 without me around.

Where was I?

Well... for one thing, I was busy with other catching up session.

I guess... when it's this long and wide, a birthday is just a birthday, kan Sayang? We'll celebrate some other time.

Mwahs...

Happy Birthday Sayang.

"My Year in 2007"

This year... I think I'll approach towards closing 2007 in a survey. Then again, I might just do a blog at the very last day, who knows laa kan?

Here goes...

My Year in 2007
As 2007 comes to an end........

1) Where did you begin 2007?
...at Spicy Hartamas, with Juan and Azie. A little drama back then with the gurls on Juan's hp, kan Azie. Had a good time. Chenta Hati had chose to do overtime at Digi. But then later was sent back home. Should've just lepak with me, kan Sayang? :P

2) What was your status on Valentine's Day?
taken... for 3 years already.

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
I was learning the ropes of lawyer-ing. That was it mostly... nothing much of school.

4) How did you earn your money?
Pupilage allowances... ohh and FlyFm contests.. haha.

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
time and time again. I was admitted recently. Visited some people in the hospital too...

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
not that i recall this year.

7) Where did you go on vacation?
SABAH... and I loved every second of it.

8) What did you purchase that was over $1000?
medicines

9) Did you know anybody who got married?
yes... and the invitations keeps on pouring til the end of the year.

Lets name some, shall we...
Sri and Azrain
Madihah
Nur Najwa
Nur Zalma
Imee
Yuhana Ayu
Radzlan
Muna
Nazim and Abai
Sarah Khalilah

Can't recall more...

10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
yes.

12) Did you move anywhere?
nope. still here. no change of place. no change of heart

14) What concerts/shows did you go to?
Aplenty to me...

F1 Race
Boys II Men
Gwen Stefani
Micheal Learns to Rock
P. Ramlee the musical
Flyanniversary! VVIP passes baby!!

15) Are you registered to vote?
since 2000

16) Who did you want to win Big Brother?
don't even know the show...

17) Where do you live now?
kl

18) Describe your birthday?
... a nice dinner with Nadia and Chenta Hati at Dome... before I caught a movie with Chenta Hati. It was simple yet enough for me.

Of course... there was that dress-as-your-fav-artist thing the next day at home. Tee Hee.. that was a success, somewhat :D

19) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2007?
hmm... forgiving people. I just seem to be very generous in that department. Don't like it actually, but I do it anyway... people make mistakes, I guess.

20) What has been your favorite moment?
... I must say it's the time when Chenta Hati was cornered by his own family. Tee hee.. I love the feelin'. Sorry Sayang... I was there to give Big Apple Donuts je to Auntie Su. Mana lak tau they nak corner macam tuh.

21) What's something you learned about yourself?
I have an outrages temper.

22) Any new additions to your family?
nope.

23.) What was your worst month?
... hmm. The transition of working in the heart of KL. Stress sangat that time... nothing seems to be going right. End of July, the start of August.

24.) What music will you remember 2007 by?
No one - Alicia Keys.
Lelaki Ini - Anuar Zain

25) Who has been your best drinking buddy?
I don't drink.

26) Made new friends?
ahaks.. yup. Won't dwell in details... but very interesting and stimulating conversations/messages.

27) New best friend?
nope. sticking with the old ones. I love them to bits.

28) Favorite Night out?
... that impromptu up to Genting for Boys II Men concert. It was something interestingly enough romantic.

REPOST as "My Year in 2007"

Enough already...

Taking a break from the mass media - with freedom of speech - and trying to focus on own well being for the moment. Call me selfish, but I had enough. Too much anger and frustration is stressful... and being stressed out about situations that is slow at change (if it does change) is not a good thing at the moment. My whole balance and trying to get-well is striving and hanging in the balance of NOT being stress.

Now... if only I can stop myself from opening/reading stories about BAR Malaysia and all the other rallies. Self-discipline to betterment. Gosh.. it's not as easy you know. The news is everywhere... you can't really brush off things that's thrown to your face. Well, you can... but I can't. Sigh. I have to. Arrggghh... even that is creating stress. Maybe I should just read and try to control my frustrations into something productive?

Anyways...  I'm feeling better than before. The short admission into the hospital did a world of good. Gave me a sorta calmness that I was lacking. Somehow, my body was under "fire" that I can't explain. It's not exactly "hot" but it's like very... uneasy. Which is totally unexplainable since I JUST got to go on a holiday to a beautiful place call Sabah.

Of course, the drugs that they pumped into me had also given the effect of calm and serenity. It wasn't sleeping pills or stress pills... it's a procedure. I was suppose to undergo this procedure that took out all my immune system, drain it out if you must, and then I was to be put on this new immune system called - Immunoglobin. However, due to the fact that I had distorted veins, after 3 times trying to get that catheter in my thighs (some sort of dialysis procedure-like), they abandoned that idea and just gave me this 3 days course of Immunoglobin. Yup... I have some foreign immune to help kill my own immune system that's going crazy.

That's SLE for you.

So, at current position... I'm all running out of ideas and things to do at home. I came back last Friday with sleep. Lotsa of them. I'm trying not to dwell so much in them as they are very addictive. Who knows when I'll actually start working again, and that's when this sleep thing will be stuck in my mind. Sluggish brain of mine I have now.

I am however thinking of resolutions for 2008... and also recapping of what happened in 2007.

Blogging about it will be inevitable. I am an ardent blogger of wrapping up the year.. and welcoming the new year.

Sleep... i think i'll do that now. Such a nice weather too.

Relapse. SLE. I'm Sick Again.

"Sarah, you got 0.57 protein leakage and your albumin has dropped to 29. This is a full blown relapsed. We have to start you back on Metaprad (steroid injections)... and you have to come back tomorrow and Sunday for Metaprad. Selama ni, your stability was at 0.01 and albumin count at 42.

Did something happened? Are you stressed? Over-worked?"

A conversation with my doctor today, Dr. Rozita. After that statement of full blown relapse, I kinda gone into my "happy place", which ironically was very sad.

I had anticipated this to happen actually... and God loves me to continuously make me stay in this world to actually let me suffer with infections after operation that He brought forward my operation.

Had I done my operation in this condition, it would have been a tougher recovery with possible late wound healing and terrible infections!

Funny... how I felt when she said this was a full blown relapse. Nothing funny... but I never thought I would brake down and cry as when they diagnosed I was with kidney failure 3 years back.

Funny how my parents, especially mum, is acting strong about it... when right after the diagnose she is now ill with flu and cough.

So... no operation... and now trying to re-stabilize my condition.

"Sarah... full blown relapse..."

Ouh... and funny that Richard had to call about a file. I can recall the file... the utmost "non-difficult" file there is. But the doctors were there to consult on my medication pills (which costs RM7.90 a pill).

I feel like giving up... but emotionally, there's so many people counting on me getting well. One day at a time again I guess...

Honestly, I am trying to be positive... but somewhere in my mind and body is not all for being positive.

Sarah... you got full blown relapse.

La la la la...

Update 26-10-2007 (Raya Beats - P. Ramlee - My Call)

I'm sitting here wandering what to do. I've been blogging all my life and all about my life that it has been made public and known to everyone who stumbles upon my blog. Privacy is no longer an option when you're made known who you are. Nevertheless, I'm not complaining. It's too late to turn back the time, and not that I want to even if I could.

Lets see... the last entry was about the two loooong drives back to the village to celebrate Hari Raya. That was one long, or make it two, days... It was Raya. Throughout the years, this will be how it will be as long as orang tua-tua still around. Going to the villagers to say hello and minta maaf for all the terkasar bahasa all this while.

Then, there was that whole Raya Beats that I won from FlyFm. Yes! I won at it... Does it really come as a surprise to you? I hope not...

You see, in order to win a contest, you HAVE to HAVE determination. It's like work but also a bit of luck won't hurt. What happened was that I had waited for the que to "sms" the radio station. The prize money had snowballed to RM600 for Non-Celcom and RM900 for Celcom users. The night before, I searched throughout the internet for the Raya songs from everywhere. Compiling them and bringing them to work, I listened to FLY. All the while, I was sms-ing before the que to sms. Pathetic? Well... I was determined to win the cash!

So... after about 50 sms BEFORE the que to sms... and about 20 more after que to sms... They had called! Interestingly enough, it was lagu Dendang Perantau by P. Ramlee. That day was also the day my boyfriend went to get those P. Ramlee musical tickets.

I won. RM900. Alhamdullillah. *winks*

Then... on Saturday, 20th October 2007, me and my Chenta Hati went to Istana Budaya to watch P. Ramlee the Musical.

Review of P. Ramlee Musical :-
This acclaimed musical, the show of the year, was starred by Sean Ghazi (P. Ramlee), Datuk Siti Nurhaliza (Azizah) - as guest star, Atilia (as Junaidah), Melissa Saila (Norizan), Liza Hanim (Saloma/Sally) and Infinates (Paparazzis) alongside with many others who made the musical an interesting and funny musical.

The Musical begins with Remy (P. Ramlee) in the living room with Sally, reminiscing P. Ramlee's time. Such a sad beginning as KL was raining heavily.

Blast to the past, we see P. Ramlee as a kid, determined and had fallen in love with a girl whose parents were rich, name Azizah. He insisted that he could cipta lagu for Azizah.. and that's when he got discovered to be a talent.

He left Azizah and went to Singapore untuk mengejar cita-cita. He started of small and had made it to be a director of many box office movies. Along the line, he married Junaidah, but in fact he was in love with Junainah (the younger sister). They divorced later when Junaidah could not handle his fame and women wooing.

He then married Norizan. Who had then took care of P. Ramlee until some rumours about her being disloyal came to knowledge. They divorced.

P. Ramlee finally met with Saloma. The meeting and their percintaan was so cute and funny that everyone in the theater was enjoying the moment. Laughter and smiles breaks out every few seconds.

Meanwhile, Singapore was no longer with Malaya (which had became Malaysia), and hence... P. Ramlee was sent off to KL.

That's when they come back to the beginning.

The musical was superbly done. Me and my Chenta Hati was so impressed and happy to have gotten the chance to watch it. Thank you sayang.

Now we come to the last update :-

My Call to the BAR!
Nothing could describe how relieved I felt when the three main people plus the judge had said "no objections" and also " Dengan kuasa-kuasa..."

My parents and my Chenta Hati was there to hear my speech. So was Kabir. The rest of my friends were busy with their events... and I don't blame them for not coming. Totally understand. Either way, I had the utmost happy feeling of being call-ed & Robe-ed by my Master.

I'm a lawyer now. Phew. That's a relieve. What next? Oh yeah... my operation. Update on that LATER. Got to go to hospital. Visiting someone...

Two loooooooooong drives..

How's everybody doing so far? Raya given you any joy yet? Well, I'm not trying to be a grinch... but, Raya has been one <s>hell</s> of drives to and fro for me; thankx to my parents who insists that they don't need to stay in a resthouse/hotel somewhere.

You see, our journey to <b>JOHOR</b> began at about 3pm, on the first day of Syawal itself - 13th October 2007. Why did it take so long for us to actually make our move, well... there was the non packing and the visiting to my boyfriend's house, which didn't take that long of a time actually.

And since we arrived at about 6pm... not exactly at our destination yet... we made a stop to Tok Uda's house. This former wakil rakyat had his annual open house and makan-makan. This is our FIRST time stopping there instead of going straight to Air Itam, Muar. The food... OMG... superb. It made the whole journey worthwhile. The THREE hours in the car, with relentless singing and not wanting to sleep was made worth it with the food!

Then, we made our move to Air Itam... which was another hour and a half. There was a different scenario altogether. We had mercun and bunga api... supplied by our own police officer. Haha... bahan rampasan. :P

The boys had a great time playing with the mercun and the kids played with all the bunga api there is. I took some photos... sampai kena perli that I was gathering evidence to prosecute. Haha.. I'm not the police officer ere... the one bringing the fireworks is.

I like the front yard of the kampung house in Air Hitam... it's wide. There was where we had the Qurban of cow for Hari Raya Aidiladha... and it was certainly the minefield of fireworks that night too.

Ok... that whole fireworks, tho illegal, it was fun to watch and hear the reactions from everyone who was playing and closing their ears.

After all fireworks burned, most of us did what we do best... trying to bond. Imagine, my dad's siblings is of 11 (which includes him) and each of them has at least 3 to 6 kids... which makes them ALL my cousins. We try to bond. Tho... I fail to bond that well, my sister had done well with the boys.

We left at about 11pm and reached home by 1am back home. Yes... the long journeys.

Hold it.. you think it stops there? We went to <b>Negeri Sembilan</b> the next day. Made our move by 12pm and reached close to 2.30pm. Visited about 3 houses and then kubur arwah nenek. We made our move back at about 4.30pm and reached Gombak (kubur atok) at about 6pm. Arrived home at about 7.30pm.

Phew... two long days of journeys in the car. All in all, I've spent about 6 hours on the first day and 3 hours on the second day = 9 HOURS!

See... i'm trying my best not to sound like a grinch here... but there's so much a person can take with being a passenger of a 9 Hours long drive...

So... how was your Raya? Mine was tiring with the drives... but, I still love Raya nonetheless. The trying-to-bond session, the making serunding (ouh.. I made serunding this year!!) and the smiles in photos, makes the long hours worth it, I guess.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to post up some photos of the Raya trip... and catch my Zzzzz...

Betul kata orang...

...kalau dah terlepas cakap, there's nothing you can do to make it right again. I've had it. After much diliberating of what had happened, things are much clearer as to seniority plays a much important role in the life that person.

as ahli fikir had rapped in their latest "2 X 5" song... "...jangan cakap lepas, biar pandai beralas. Ada ubi ada batas... ada hari kami balas!"

Don't think that my silence means I will not react towards what you have said towards me and my family. I will remember that you had said "you, naik kepala" sentence... and also, "I see it as your parents bully you"... more often than not, they chose to take care of me because they know how serious my condition is.

You have said words which you cannot take back, whereas I have kept my silence. In my silence I will react... and you will see. I have taken a position that even you will be surprised. You say I don't know you... you have not known to what extend I can do something. And if you think I am scared with your drama talk... I am not.

Cakap lepas. That's what you did. And I am not ready to make nice... but I will "act" nice. The upcoming three weeks I shall do what is required of me. But after that... I will leave it to fate. If fate allows what is in my head... I will do it as much.

You will not know what hit you. Did you not notice that by hurting me, you loose money... now you have to pay for some payment and some hurtful words were said to you... and I am not surprised.

This will mark your demise. Once bitten, twice shy... once shame on you, twice shame on me... I will do what I wanted to do in the first instance.

Cakap lepas! That's something you shouldn't have said... talk about childish/unpro... hey, cermin diri tu. If you're so overly qualified to read people's reaction... you yourself should not sit around and wait for something to burst!

Ouhh... and that idiot boleh cakap to me, after my long talk with boss, "Sorry la Sarah... I cuma cakap pasal letter aje". Kepala hangguk kau! If it's only about the letter, why was he asking about the file? I know what YOU are doing. You are trying to twist everything back to my boss being wrong.

So... tell me this. If you are saying my boss is wrong, and my boss is saying that you are wrong... so siapa yang salah ni? Me??

Ok... that's the conclusion. I just hope the days past by as quickly as possible. I nak get the hell away from this drama. Lagi teruk dari office drama. Actually... this is a hindi movie conjoured by her.

Betul kata orang... jangan cakap lepas, biar pandai beralas... ada ubi ada batas, ada hari kami balas! Dan hari pembalasan itu akan tiba. Soon. Insya-Allah... soon